Have you ever heard someone describe their cat as “magical”? They weren’t being hyperbolic.

You see, cats are obligate carnivores. This is a kind of animal whose metabolism runs on magic. Their digestive systems use clairvoyance to determine whether the meal they’re eating came from another animal. Nutrients have nothing to do with it – if you try to feed them lab-synthesized taurine, the ancient curse laid upon their kind by the Egyptian sorcerers who bound them all those millennia ago will lay waste to all mankind.

Bet you feel stupid now, huh? Checkmate, vegoons.