First born nipper of seven weeks is well for which I count my blessings. Fresh challenges for daddy though: I don’t have the emotional and physical comfort from my girlfriend that I had become accustomed to. Obviously, she is looking after a baby for everything she’s worth, with me right behind her. We’re breastfeeding. Circumstances conspired for me to get away for a night out a week ago - for the first time - with my best friend and it was wonderful. I was a lot less stressed afterwards and had a lot more to give the next day. But it also reminded me of the time before we had our baby; fun, sex, freedom, all that jazz. We managed to have some rushed sexy time a few weeks ago (thanks grandpa), a couple of brief cuddles and a couple of limited heart-to-heart chats but really I feel like I’m basically just a cook, potwash, caretaker and babysitter. Whilst being hyper-focussed our baby, she also tries her best not to overload me, which I’m grateful for. But I’m not getting much love, care, understanding or respect from anywhere at the moment. Nice moments with my daughter just about keeps me in the game tbh. Do any of you recongnise this? Can you offer any light at the end of the tunnel, recommend what to do? I’m feeling very strapped in. Thanks
I’m on midnight watch with our 6 week old daughter as I’m typing this. Your girlfriend just created a whole 'nother human being, then either forced it out an oriface or had major abdominal surgery, and is now expending about 1500 calories per day making milk to sustain the little being. While this is happening, her brain and body is swimming in a hormone soup to form an immense bond with baby and begin resetting her body. She’s exhausted. She feels gross and sex is the last thing on her mind. Doctors recommend no earlier than 2 months for vaginal birth and 3 for c-sections.
Like it or not, when you signed up to become a parent, you gave away the “lead character” role. Both of you exist to keep the newborn thriving right now. You will have a chance to be intimate with your girlfriend again. But it will be on your child’s schedule, not yours.
Thanks for being upfront with what the rest of us were thinking.
I hope that my previous mistakes can be informative to not only me but others.
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This may sound counterintuitive, but Steal the kid, as much as you can. You said the moments with your daughter are bright points, and Mom is quite burdened. Kill two birds with one stone, take the little one to some library baby group this weekend, and make it a weekly fun event (for you, maybe a way to talk to other local parents).
Seven weeks is not old at all though, maybe just take the baby out for some walks, either in a stroller or in a baby wearing harness. some good time, some exercise, and get Mom some time, and household stress will improve.
Just want to emphasize this. At this stage nothing is as great as me time. Well, I got a 6 year old and nothing is as great as me time still! When ours was smaller I made it a habit to take baby out on weekends for as long as possible, depends on what you got in your area.
We have a science museum/aquarium thing nearby so I just got a yearly ticket for that and seriously for a while went every single weekend with the kid to that place. It gave entertainment for 1-2 hours, we had food there, it was great! Then some playground or whatever on the way back and we’d be out 4+ hours. Just an example. It doesn’t matter of your kid is too small to actually do stuff wherever you go, it is just as great to just show stuff to them. Animals are always great, unless you are firmly against the idea of zoos.
One last thing. Going for groceries or cleaning the house while the baby is out with you is not me time! It will be tempting for whoever is not with the baby to finally take care if stuff, which sometimes needs doing. But this won’t relax you. Maybe do 50:50 if you’re really behind on chores but don’t forget to also take care of you, read a book, take a walk, go to a museum yourself, whatever. That counts for both of you! Just saying this before you go to your girlfriend saying, I am taking the baby outside for a while, you get to clean the house, thank me later! Don’t do that!
