In a suburban home strikingly similar to every other house on the block, local mom Karen Patterson has reportedly issued her 487th consecutive threat that she will undoubtedly not follow through. Witnesses report that it’s not just her two children that know the local mom is full of empty threats, the whole school knows.

“I mean it this time, I will count to three and if you don’t clean up your toys, there will be consequences,” Patterson lied with a conviction that was immediately called into question by both her children and even the family’s misbehaved beagle. Counting to three, which has been a staple in the Patterson household, frequently ends with Karen giving up and scrolling through Instagram on her phone.

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