Semi-Hemi-Demigod

This is your reminder that national polling doesn’t matter, and that you can win the presidency with roughly 20,000 votes

Like what happened to that dude from Metallica’s “One”

John Oliver showed me they’ll probably just call in a vet.

Maybe get some farmer with castration bands.

I bet the LGBTQ+ movement has done wonders for recruiting.

“Ve have footage of you haffink gay sex.”

“Yes, I’m gay. That’s my husband. The kids were finally gone for an hour so we had some fun.”

“Blyat.”

He didn’t lose shit. Square footage is what matters, not people.

I remember when iTunes was called SoundJam MP and that was much nicer than iTunes. I still miss its eclipse visualizer.

The top post in music is Alice Cooper’s “Guilty”

President Biden’s campaign spokesman said Trump’s conviction shows “no one is above the law.” “There is still only one way to keep Donald Trump out of the Oval Office: at the ballot box,”

That’s fucking terrifying

Well that didn’t take long.

I’m less concerned with them being effective and more concerned they’ll fuck up and kick off Kessler Syndrome

A big one is that pregnancy and child birth SUUUUUCK. Women finally have the ability to avoid it entirely, and I don’t blame them.

You dodged three bullets, bro. If a woman gets turned off by asking then she’s either not into you or she wants you to chase her, and both should be deal-breakers.

I’d think it would be common sense not to be driving when you have a court appearance. I’d put on at least a collared shirt and a tie and take the call from a quiet place where there’s nothing else going on.

Code 50 lines and whaddaya get?

Another day older and deeper in debt.

Saint Peter, don’t you call me 'cause I can’t go

I owe my soul to the private equity group who owns my house.

Hopefully this works out better than the time they made iTunes for Windows

If a woman has a problem with me asking if I can touch her then I probably don’t want to.

Southern country-themed restaurant chain Cracker Barrel, with over 660 locations nationwide, has seen a significant decline in customers, losing more than 16 per cent in just four years

I wonder how much COVID contributed to that.

We can’t have pop-up headlights because of pedestrian safety, but you can buy a 5,000 pound vehicle that does 0-60 in three seconds and has a hood level with most people’s heads because that’s totally safe for pedestrians.

Fascist regimes don’t last long because they all eventually turn their violence inward. They breed the sort of mistrust and lack of questioning that don’t make them effective societies.

The road from Blue Ball to Paradise goes through Intercourse.