Honestly, it sounds like you have checked out of the relationship.
If you actually want to rebuild, I strongly recommend finding a counsellor who works for both of you and can help you establish productive communication.
It’s cliche, but right now you are ‘Me’ focused. You need to be ‘We’ focused.
Wow - I’m familiar with some of the issues of male bias in healthcare but this one was PARTICULARLY brutal.
The (male) ER chief confidently stating that there is no bias but also that its hard to diagnose women was the absolute icing on the cake…