primscha

I got my first ex lol.

It’s alright— it was a relationship where we both understood the feelings are new and we’re both inexperienced, but in retrospect all communication fell from there lol. Aaand I think it’s still falling.

So. (ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ٥)ゞ Let’s see how much of it can actually be settled…

Otherwise life has been a piece of shit because of burnout. So much is happening around me that I know I’m succeeding at, but I’m having a hard time acknowledging my success. The fear and exhaustion is seeping in. I’m hoping I can recover soon! …Because a lot feels like it’s at stake. (☍◡⁰)

Good luck to everyone 🫡

Going back to the dorms on Friday. It’s a yay/nay situation. Love my friends there. Hate the amount of the work that has to get done. But gotta think on the positive end to keep me going. (Or just… think less to make it easier on the mind lol.)

Today I went to an awesome local coffee shop/bookstore. It’s so beautifully decorated with unique displays and niche items. It captured a very cottage core theme while also having a surprisingly wide variety of books. God I’m gonna miss that place. I really want to go back. Has everything I want in a bookstore… There’s a whole bookshelf filled with architecture and graphic design books I want to get.

Then I got to go to this cute little park/outlet. I’m not sure how to describe it— it’s a small area with a treehouse playground that’s walled off. And I got to see a fire show of sorts. It’s been a fun, exhausting day. Nice way to end my summer break.

Ehh, surviving. It’s not bad but I feel like I should be doing better.

The toll of family drama/finances is getting to me and I’ve found myself spiraling into old habits. I keep reminding myself to not let it get to me. I’m hoping to move out and get an apartment near my university but… Well, of course it’s easier said than done.

I know that being a full-time student is like a full-time job, but I’m considering getting two part-time jobs just to save up. But with my two other extracurriculars, keeping up my social life, and sleep— yeah, I’ll burn out at this rate.

I just feel like there’s so much at stake, in both the short term and long term future, that I can’t sacrifice anything. I’m scared of getting something ‘wrong,’ but I know that no action is the worst action to take right now.

So that’s my long explanation as to why I shouldn’t be procrastinating and how I’m struggling with procrastination.

I dunno. Any tips on how to change my environment up a bit to keep my focus? Or something to keep me sane. So far the only safe space I have is my own room. ._.

(Driving is not really an option since I’m still practicing.)

Ah, I am planning on baking a tres leches cake though over the weekend. It’s something to shake things up.

Saving up. Getting a summer job has been harder than expected, especially since I thought I’d have my job over the summer… But I know it’s not the end of the world either. Just a little bummed out. Maybe I can still find something but I’m not holding my breath— at least I have a bit of money coming in from a design commission and selling off a phone.

Still reading. Picked up the book Haroun and the Sea of Stories. Studying and searching for UI and graphic design internships to take in the fall. Been practicing chess daily. (Not great at it but it’s fun.) Practicing driving. (Which is a whole other story I could get into…)

But right now I feel slow and antsy. I’m hoping something in life turns around soon… Atmosphere in my house feels too heavy. It’s a sleepy and hot summer.