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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: August 15th, 2023

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  • Hi again!

    Still sober; A few years in with hopefully more in the future. I am going to preface this with a trigger warning. I may touch on some dark spots that recently sober people probably will not want to read. tl; dr: Sobriety isn’t all rainbows and unicorn farts.

    The last few days have been rough, but yet, here I am. Even before the recent political chaos, I was already in a seriously dark nihilistic phase for some reason, so that sucked.

    Strangely enough, my recent cravings are not specifically about drinking, but more about numbing myself to the world for just a few short hours. Alcohol just happens to be the only crutch I know that does that in just the perfect way.

    In retrospect, craving alcohol was just a symptom of deeper issues I needed to resolve.

    I have mentioned several times that I do not particularly care for AA or its methodology, but damn does it get a ton of things right about how the brain of a drunk works. In my case specifically, me getting caught up in issues I can’t control and problems I can’t solve was pointing me square into the depths of a bottle. My unwillingness to resolve the things I could control was also pointing me in the wrong direction. The feedback loop of my problems being everyone else’s fault had started once again.

    Alcohol is my faux cocoon. It can and will give me a few short hours of relief where I truly don’t care about anyone or anything else. That is the temptation for me now when it used to be about just getting a fix. For better or for worse, life seemed much simpler when I was numb.

    When we take a step back and look at the world and even everything we know about the universe, our individual lives actually don’t matter one bit. After the awe wore off from seeing pictures of recently discovered black hole jets that extended for 23 million light years into the void, I was left wondering how many thousands of planets it must have wiped clean over the time it took form. How many other solar systems and societies did the universe just extinguish at random? Needless to say, it took a bit of mental gymnastics to justify how me not drinking a beer would actually matter to anyone or anything here in even just 10 years time. It absolutely isn’t a concern of the universe as whole if you choose to think about things that way.

    But I will say, yet again, here I am. I am here again typing out a carbon copy of the same story we all share in one way or another and have collectively typed out millions of times over. At the end of the day we do this because it works. It solves a problem I have now, on this planet in this solar system and in our universe.

    What I think the overall point of this was, is that coming to terms with our own insignificance can be challenging, if not repetitive. Without a doubt, my own insignificance was (and still is) a driver for my alcoholism. Life is an interesting thing and is as beautiful as it is brutal.

    So, pending any solar system destruction events, I will not drink with you today.


  • remotelove@lemmy.catoAutism@lemmy.worldI hate days like this.
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    13 days ago

    wrong different

    There is no such thing as normal, so embrace who you are in all of your different ways.

    Even if physical handicaps are involved, like you actually can’t walk a straight line or if you have difficulty breathing, that has its own challenges but it’s not wrong.

    And yeah. People can be really dick’ish sometimes and that sucks. The sooner you stop giving a fuck what they think, the sooner you can be happier with yourself.

    The second I embraced who I was, in my own ways, I could stop killing myself slowly with booze. Alcohol was just my own way of coping and it really sucked.

    It’s impossible for me to fully understand what you are going through, but FWIW, I can relate. And trust me, life can get better if you let it, but make no mistake: I know it ain’t as easy as saying the words.

    Chin up and keep on keepin’ on!










  • A well maintained and in-spec AR is phenomenal. Jim Bob’s AR he bought on sale from BCA is going to be a piece of shit. (I had one of their bolts dissolve on me once.)

    The tricky bit is getting one that is actually in-spec. The original blueprints are good, but the way they are laid out gives manufacturers too much wiggle room and can be a bit more difficult to read. This leads to a slew of problems when you have people jamming together random bits from different sources.

    It’s a versatile weapon and I like them when properly engineered and properly maintained. It absolutely isn’t the end-all-be-all and it’s embarrassing to see it in the hands of idiots who just want to make a political statement.



  • Did you compute for air in the barrel after calling out there was no air in space? Just curious about that, s’all.

    With that, there would be a hell of a suction on the bullet after the cartridge was fired. Also, the detonation doesn’t happen all in one go and continues as the bullet moves to the muzzle. (I did quite a bit of experimenting with that to reduce muzzle flash, actually.) So, the bullet is accelerating until the pressure is released when the bullet passes the muzzle.

    While air in the barrel isn’t really a factor on earth, surrounding air pressure absolutely is. It affects burn rate most but how it affects burn rate is a characteristic of the powder itself. (In zero-G, I would speculate a slower burn because the powder would be more prone to floating if it wasn’t a compressed load.)

    When I plan to go to lower altitudes, I typically use lighter loads or I risk over-pressure conditions. (I’ll basically just compute for a couple hundred pounds less pressure chamber.)

    After all that, I have no fucking clue what would happen in space because the conditions are so wonky.