You should try being assertive, you can look it up, but essentially it’s a healthier communication style that emphasizes on facts and feeling. For example, you shouldn’t say you don’t care for me, instead say you cancelling our date made me feel dismissed.

You can look it up online, essentially it’s a middle ground between being passive or aggressive.

Keep in mind that every feeling is valid, and trying to pursuade someone otherwise is the art of gaslighting. Emotional manipulation and gaslighting, are common in a Narcissist’s playbook, if you feel you emotions are invalidated don’t angry, instead leave it’s not worth your time.

I am considering starting a channel about software engineering. I want to be able to fully switch to open source development, and I am hoping that the channel can become a healthy stream of income in the future.

That’s not the case for me, I can start doing stuff while talking with someone that is sitting, watching TV, or whatever.

I think having someone near your serves two purposes:

1. It helps your brain produce happiness juice (dopamine), that makes doing stuff easier.
2. They act as an anchor, helping you stay at one place and focus on what you should be doing, like a physical reminder.

If other people negatively impact your ability to get things done, I would suggest looking into it. Maybe you are subconsciously copying them, or you feel same shame doing stuff while others are not. I am not trying to invalidate your experience, just suggesting that it’s possible you can gain a better understanding of it if you dive deeper.

I have procrastinated the hell out of it 😭 Thanks for reminding me though ❤️

Do you really think you behave like a dick? Just becase other people say that, it doesn’t mean it’s true…

How did it go? Did it hit or was it a false alert? How long did it last? Are you satisfied with what you have accomplished? What is your current state? Any funny stories to share from the last month?

Been writing an article about dating while being AuDHD. While I am not going to pretend I am some guru that is going to turn your dating experience upside down, I have a few things that have worked for me:

1. Be open about your neurodivergency. If a person is worth it, they will be interested to know more about it, try to understand and accommodate your needs, and be charmed by your quirks.
2. Respect your RSD. If you feel like you are receiving negative feedback don’t shutdown, instead ask for clarification. If you want to do something but are afraid how it will be perceived, ask them. Unsurprisingly, people tend to appreciate the check-ins, it is perceived as you being caring.
3. Try pebbling. It is the act of sharing things that you think the other person would appreciate. Feel free to info dump, feel free to share relevant experiences.
4. Be meta as fuck. Explain your thought process, why you are doing something, and that train of thought that led to you saying seemingly completely irrelevant. Allistic people don’t understand neurodivergence, but the right people will make the effort.
5. Be honest. Maybe you don’t feel safe to expose your date to your fully unmasked self, and that’s okay. BUT, honesty can go a long way. See something you like? Turn that into a compliment! Feeling insecure? Explain that and ask for validation! Something bothers you? Ask for the appropriate accommodations!
6. Don’t try to impress the other person. Instead give your date the chance to like the real you. It’s much more sustainable in the long term, you will feel more free and safe in your relationship, and it’s fucking good to be appreciated.
7. Routinize flirting. The consistency feels great for the other person, everyone needs a confidence boost and a few words of affirmation.

I have been dating this girl for the past month, she is awesome, and she makes me smile everyday 😁

I have had a relatively bad week, I got rejected by a company I was interviewing with for the past two months, but she has been my rock.

TIL this is called cognitive shuffle, it seems there a few studies on its effect on late onset insomnia, but no conclusive evidence on its efficacy. I am wondering if a more targeted study would provide better results (aka only on monotropic people)?

I am stealing that phrase, thanks 🙏

I find it helps navigate certain quirks and get the help I need to thrive. For example, after disclosing I have ADHD, people are much more open to move when I am affected by background noise.

Weed can be addictive for people with ADHD, it’s one of most common of forms of self medicarion but in the long run it probably going to make things worse.

Source: I was addicted for 3 years, at first it did wonders for my sleep issues and increased my productivity. At some point, I had to smoke daily or I would get headaches and huge cravings, my tolerance would constantly increase, and then it didn’t help with my sleep issues anymore.

Now, I am only using it recreationally once every few months. It’s fun but I have to be careful otherwise I know things can turn sour really fast.

I think you are spending too much effort to engage with a person that is not engaging back with you. Regardless if your behavior was creepy or not, you are worth more than that. That person wasn’t matching your effort in maintaining a relationship (friendship in this scenario). Remember it takes two to tango, no matter how much you want it, you won’t be able to carry a relationship on your own…

For context, I am the top donor at my instance, I recognize that there is a need for funds. BUT, I believe it’s important for the fediverse to be accessible to everyone regardless if they have the funds for that.

Dopamine received, initiating hyperfocus protocol!

As a rule of thumb, we’ve observed that a team of 5 trained moderators appears to provide ample coverage and redundancy for servers of about 1,000 active users

That’s a fascinating bit of information. I would expect 5 moderators to provide coverage for more users. I am wondering how they came up with that statistic (will update the comment if I find an answer).

Remember that offliine/IRL community management experience can be just as important as online experience

Interesting idea, wondering what’s the IRL presence of the fediverse…

If you’re building toward participatory or democratic governance, consider establishing a proposal and voting system (some teams we spoke with use Loomio, but multiple options exist) for major policy decisions.

That’s soooo important, I love when communities create polls to decide on policy changes.

Avoid promoting brand-new members unless you already have a pre-existing relationship with them

I have followed some discussion on multi-level hierarchies on the fediverse, wondering if there are any instance implementing that…

Consider charging for accounts or offering paid memberships.

Hell no!

We hope there will be more resources available in the future, particularly tooling around legal compliance. This is one of the big infrastructural gaps we point out in our main report

That’s a big issue, I would be interested in hosting an instance available to other people, but I don’t want to end up in jail and I lack the resources to make sure that won’t happen…

That was an interesting read, it seems there is an in-depth analysis of the report here.

Can someone ELI5 so I can get enough dopamine to go read the whole thing?

Not sure if you are being sarcastic or not but I found this review.

https://www.mdpi.com/2073-8994/14/5/858

I had done some research about a year ago, but I don’t have the papers saved.

While the consumption for AI train can be large, there are arguments to be made for its net effect in the long run.

The article’s last section gives a few examples that are interesting to me from an environmental perspective. Using smaller problem-specific models can have a large effect in reducing AI emissions, since their relation to model size is not linear. AI assistance can indeed increase worker productivity, which does not necessarily decrease emissions but we have to keep in mind that our bodies are pretty inefficient meat bags. Last but not least, AI literacy can lead to better legislation and regulation.

If you are worried about duplicates, aka a single bot spamming multiple votes, then that’s feasible to mitigate.

If you are worried about multiple bots spamming one vote each, that’s harder to mitigate and it comes down to how the instances handles bot accounts in general. IMO it’s best to ignore the bot problem and instead focus on designing a vote weighting system that favors similar instances.

For anyone interested, there are a few papers on cryptographically secure voting, where both voter anonymity and election integrity are preserved.

Most designs consider three separate entities, where if you accumulate the information between those entities you would be able to identify a voter and his vote, but each entity on itself does not hold enough information.