Oh shoot, I don’t get it. I haven’t watched any recent Muppets stuff. Is Sweetums a mod now?

Republicans are really good at this thing called “collusion”

I think it’s rather sweet(ums)

I don’t care how they’re picked, you generally shouldn’t feed peppers and spices that you’d use in chili. And never onions, garlic, or grapes regardless of the intended application.

These rules come from the same people who put a slice of cheese on apple pie. “It adds a savory quality to all the sweetness.” Fuck off, it adds the taste of cheese to apple pie. People also like mint and chocolate, maybe you should eat some M&Ms coated in Vicks vaporub

Chili is steaming dog food with too many spices and onions for dogs to eat. If you think your chili tastes better with beans or even cinnamon, then get down with your bad self. Anyone who tells you otherwise is welcome to not eat your chili.

“Syrup doesn’t belong on waffles/french toast”
“Cookies shouldn’t have raisins”
“You shouldn’t put butter on your tortillas”
Fuck all y’all, I’mma eat my food how it tastes good and you can maybe chime in once you got a show on the food network

^I’m a Texan who will eat your chili with or without beans and I approve this message^

“Mission accomplished” 🛩️🪂🛳️

“Oh my God, what on Earth is that??? I accidentally dropped a dollar that I took from you! Better burn it before it accidentally helps somebody…”

What do you think the chances are that they kill social security’s payout mechanism without dismantling the process of collecting it and then treat their thievery like pennies from heaven?

What was that greatest trick that the devil pulled again? Oh well, I’m sure those are unrelated thoughts.

He’d execute Hunter before pardoning him. Unless Hunter or J6ers are willing to cough up enough dough to buy a pardon, they’re gonna get ignored and rot in a cell. Maybe Epstein themselves.

Official act?

This week is really looking up

Bernie is one of the few remaining politicians in our country who are in politics as a service vs a career. I wouldn’t be surprised if after every time he gets elected he consoles himself, “this’ll be the last time you need to run, this is the cycle where we’ll fix American politics and you can go back to your dream of opening an ice cream shop.”

I choose to believe that you conceived and birthed your son via parthenogenesis. Based on my belief, please entertain us with the story of the romantic night during which you impregnated yourself.

I fucking love you. Thanks for giving me a nice laugh before turning in for the night.

About fucking time. What’s the point in having friends if you can’t drunkenly jump from their moving car in the middle of Death Valley during a heatwave? YOLO!

Edit: Apparently the ridiculous scenario and “YOLO” weren’t enough to indicate that this was sarcasm…

I wonder how much of my family will die in the upcoming Holocaust. I wonder how many of them will look back at voting for Trump and realize where they went wrong. When Trump’s accelerationist cohorts start trying to get Israel to burn, I wonder how many of my Israeli family members will say, “oh well, at least we got to kill lots of Palestinians. I was worried Harris might have slowed us down.”

Is that actual filly cheese and filly steak?

“Temporarily closed”

I’m sorry, friend. You didn’t deserve to be called that…

So, did the inter your apartment or is a raining on that day?