FUCKING EMBARRASSING!

“Hey Ross, when you were yelling ‘piv-AT piv-AT,’ what did you mean?”

Well I’ll be hornswoggled in duck sauce! Asked and delivered!

Which fictional billionaire has more money, Forest Gump, or Bruce Wayne? This is the head to head i want to see.

“Taylor Hanson is a boy?!? OH GAWD…!”

Ark is a masterclass on how to make a video game that’s actively hostile towards its user base.

As a nearly decades long veteran of Ark, I’m beyond familiar with characters that look like an amalgamation of Jabba the Hutt and a russet potato.

I’ve seen it said that people create three types of characters in online character creation: first is just themselves. We’ve all done it. Second is a celebrity or character from an IP. Think of all the Shreks, Peter Griffins and Samuel Jackson’s that were being shared when baldurs gate 3 came out. Third is an unholy monstrosity that’s just every slider at the extremes.

Fuckin’ A.

I think it was Jack on Roster Teeth that said it best…

Everyone made their online character for GTAOnline as basically themselves, except Jack, he made a female character. They all start ripping on him and he hits them with “if I’m gonna be staring at an ass for the next 500 hours, i want it to be a girl’s ass.” I think Gavin even asked if it was too late to switch.

ETA: girls run faster in GTA, so it’s the better choice by any metric.

Hey Luxembourg, you broke it, you bought it! She’s YOUR fucking problem now! AHAHAHA!

scene

No? Still in this timeline? …fuck.

Full-on mask off, now. Owner class protecting owner class, nothing to see here. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for. Move along.

“I love the uneducated!”

Between this story and the Alex Jones story, I’m beginning to think judges should also… well, i can’t say what i think should happen and not violate ToS…

People with gimmicks are tiring. Just go ask daddy for a hug and leave us out of it.

Use it to fill the holes in your canoe?

14 million is 4% of 345 million (~American population.) Yes, 96% of America thought he wasn’t gonna run again.

Did Putin tell Moscow Mitch to say that? Was it Monsanto? Or, did he have his own thought for once?

You’re right, he never said the exact words. But all of America was under the impression he was gonna step back. He never used the direct words to dispell that either. I’m not alone in feeling betrayed by Biden.

I used to work in a pizza place, and the head cook was from Mexico working on his citizenship. He helped me with my Spanish, and I’d help him with his English. One day, we discovered that jokes was a good way to discover any loss in translations, so jokes became our preferred method of conversation.

One day he said he’s got a great joke, but he’s not sure if it’ll work in English, so he’s asks to tell me if it works. I tell him to hit me. The joke:

A guy and his girlfriend have been together long enough to move in with each other. Being a new(ish) couple, they’re still pretty frisky. Every time they’re finished and basking in the after glow, she plays with his junk, just gently kneading the balls in their sack. After a few months, he asks her why does she always play with his balls afterwards. She looks him dead in the eye with a Mona Lisa smile, gently kisses his lips and whispers in his ear “because i miss mine.”

He asked if the joke works in English. When i quit laughing, i said it does. That was 2006, and it’s still one of my favorite jokes to this day.